‘What’s feelings in a fuck?’ & 4 other poems

The XY Chromosomes

Ducks and dicks and pigs and dicks
And hippos and ostriches and starfish and snakes

How interesting
Is a dick is a dick,
They thought that drunken night, hazy and slow
With the music of Wild World playing in the background
A hungover night fixated on things that only a hungover night could hold

Corkscrew penises and spiralling vaginas, explosive eversion of the duck penis!
The sexual battle…ScienceBlogs describes it none too violent and strange
It’s the natural thing…it’s the fatal law of erection
It’s just sex

The dick the dick the dick
The dick in a tunnel, the dick at a bar, the dick crossing the road, the knock knock dick
The dick lands on the moon, defies gravity and takes a giant leap or a thrust or a dive
The dick does it all!

A strange organ indeed, the force that drives the Porsche of ecstasy!
The lingam the Indian
The phallus the patriarch
The non-thinker!

I was curious to see if I could write an ode to the dick
If the dick was worth an ode
I write it anyway because it is a queer, fascinating thing that spurts a series of bizarre images in my mind
An organ of weakness and power combined

Is it a feminist perspective or just an observation?
My chromosomes read XX
I’ve learnt to be wary of dicks

The puffing me

Smokers we are
Solitary souls

Just the cigarette
And I

Maybe it is the puff
That confirms

That all the world’s heartaches
Can dissolve into smoke

That your problems
And mine can disappear into thin air

That which we exhale
Is every impurity within us and within the world

If the world were a smoker
Perhaps it lets out a long, deep sigh

Perhaps it exhales into
The millions of other galaxies

Perhaps that breath travels beyond what we see
If only everything could be exhaled away so easily

I cherish that last puff of my cigarette
It’s the golden puff

That leaves me empty again
That temporary solution

Oh the nicotine high
You are poisonous

An impure cloud
I breathe you out of my system

Only to cleanse my soul
I’d like to believe

What’s feelings in a fuck?

What is it about intimacy?
What is it about the touch?
What is it about caressing, hugging, kissing?
Just to get to a fuck!

I was scared, I was frightened out of my wits
To let another person enter me
Copulation is a fucking intimate process
Or is it just another cathartic drug?

My body, I’ve discovered
Has its own security system
An invisible, in-built chastity belt
I didn’t even know I had a high tech, touch screen key

Sex, I thought, involved an emotional exchange, all you fuckers
Or have we lost touch with emotions?
Are emotions getting outdated?
Soon to turn into just another fucking tradition

I’m sorry but I am old world, old school
A bloody romantic still capable of feelings
Am I not allowed to feel anymore?
Bloody fuckers, blow jobbers think it’s only a waste of time

The world is crumbling anyway
Bit by bit
We are superior, we mustn’t allow
Our feelings to take control

For then it’s the end of our peace of mind
Fuck emotions, fuck feelings, I’d like to be invincible, indestructible
Robotic

What do I teach my children then?
Will I have children?

Who wants to procreate anyway?
We cannot be humans anymore
It’s crazy to procreate in a crumbling world

So, what do I teach my children?
Will I only feed them drugs?
To not feel, but still be in ecstasy
Cheers to the robotic age!

I am invincible, indestructible, superior
No more an emotional fucker
Let’s replace dicks and vaginas
With something stronger, an overdose of libido,
A robotic dildo and an automated socket.

It’s trendy to lose our souls to the robotic age

I don’t need sex, I don’t need intimacy
I only need an unfeeling, metallic organ
Or an invisible, touch screen WiFi thingy
To satisfy my needs
Then I am free

Freedom, sexual freedom
Let’s not call it sexual anymore
It’s just another survival routine
Devoid of old fashioned emotions

They only inhibit us it seems

Did I mention that the world is crumbling?
Did I mention that we are in a vicious cycle?
Did I mention that I’m afraid
To be the last human?

Capable of feeling my heart, my soul,
My fears, my longings
My desires, my needs
Did I mention that I am weak?

Did I mention that I am learning to nurse my own wounds?
Did I mention that in the race
Of the survival of the fittest
I am weak, weak, weak?

I am a feeling being in a sexual world
Does that make me too human?
More or less…

The world is crumbling
But we must think of the bigger, grander problems
I’d like to say fuck emotions

But my weak, beating, throbbing heart
Cannot

First published on Sunflower Collective

A Chance

From Frederikshavn to Göterborg
Onboard the ferry
I determined
To change my fate

I’m tired of fitting my
Round thoughts into
A rubrics cube

I cannot match all the colours
I cannot complete the puzzle
But I try, out of habit

That night onboard the ferry
I was all set to change the rules
To tweak my ordered mentality

As I sat by you and cracked the ice
I felt strong, confident, in-charge
Oddly willing to fiddle with my wired feelings

I watched, waited and tested
It was surreal, cliched it may sound

The fireworks, the brilliant night lights
The romantic stranger
It was a movie played to the last letter of its script

You were German, you said
Afraid of flying your entire life

I found you to be the gentleman
Taking charge but never control

But I could have been the gentleman instead
Exchange roles! my mind screamed

Off the ferry our journey continued into the city
In the tram, we were patient, too patient
I left

You watched me disappear into the night

We let that chance lie
Strangers we continue to be
I’ve not remembered your name

We did not break any rules
We allowed our feelings to leak
Only to seal up the crack

My round thoughts are
Squeezed into the cube
I was afraid to be a victim

But I think of you now
And wonder…

First published on Sunflower Collective

Hungover 

Oh damn!
There goes another signal
Or wait, I didn’t miss it
I just haven’t received it yet
The neurotransmitters in my brain
Love this joyride
The molecular circus is back in town

So, you say,
You’ve never been inebriated, intoxicated, amoebriated?
Seriously, you’ve never wanted to
Grab time
By its balls?
And slow it down
To feel every prick, every tingle
Every sensation
Illusions come true you know!

My muddled-up brain, my fuzzy nerve cells
My arm has suddenly lost an arm
My stomach is stuck on the run down roller coaster
Bravely attempting somersaults
An acrobat in its previous life

Last night I lived a different reality
I existed in a different space
I understood philosophy and the economy
And the Greek derivation
(Or did he say Latin?)
Of the word democracy

Last night, yet another white man
Apologised for being white
For being the superior race
They loved me
I’m always the exotic bird
Everyone wanted to pluck my feathers
Vultures waiting to scavenge on flesh

This morning
I’m hungover like dry, smoked meat
My senses are deadened
I don’t feel so exotic anymore 

Tell me then
I’m curious
What happened last night?

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Lapdiang A. Syiem Written by:

Specialised in Acting from the National School of Drama, New Delhi and Physical Theatre from the Commedia School, Copenhagen, Denmark. Worked with body movement and expression over the years that my body has now become a storyteller, a buffoon, a clown and a traveller. Performed in Pakistan, China, Denmark, Sweden and Estonia. Even though she struggles to make ends meet, she'll probably never be able to settle for too long at one place. Loves bamboo shoot, smoked meat and Old Monk. Obviously from Shillong

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