Rajini Krish (Muthu Krishnan)
I am writing this to let the world know how much your life impacted me, very silently and I am writing this, to say that I may have failed you a few times, though not of my own will to do so. I am asking your permission before I publish this.
Krish are you there ? Krish ….
Love and Tears ,
Your Bro Trevor
On the last day of his life, March 13, 2017 Krish, spent the morning with one of my Tamil friend and Krish dropped him happily at the JNU entrance. There was not much of an air of unusual sadness before he left to his friend’s place nearby . I was told he spent time with some of his new friends in the early afternoon, finished his lunch, it seems Krish was also concerned about his relationship issues but he was too tired, very depressed, was stammering and stuttering, if only he let them know about the issues atleast a bit, we would know the cause of his demise. Then he took leave to rest, there he took a bed sheet and tied it to the fan to breath his last around early afternoon on 13.3.2017
I met Krish through brother Sabur when he came to DU in 2015 when I was doing my MPhil in DU and hosted him for few days, he was too resolute a guy full of hard work and not so loose to stop working, though he did not crack the interview for DU then and the previous JNU entrance attempts, Krish kept trying and got into JNU in 2016: Centre for Historical Studies in MPhil program. I was again privileged to host Krish for a day before he left to JNU to sweat it, on his way to secure his seat at JNU.
I have often seen him working too hard though he would not even have enough food. He kept reinforcing in me, through his action and life, the idea of working beyond and amidst all odds that was stacked against him. He lived that life, passionately. No, I do not yet believe that poverty can finish off a person of such immense virtue, a virtue to perform and make a life for himself . Poverty and lack of financial resources, for students from backward classes, in universities continue to haunt, as a reality in this modern era and makes a vibrant life for them, impossible. Especially students from oppressed groups, are caught between finishing/ reading/ writing (on) a text for coursework and finishing the targets for part-time jobs. He taught me and continues to teach me not to be deterministic and blame one’s situations but to be hopeful and work on one’s dreams 24×7. Sorry Krish, you are no more here with us, to work towards our shared dreams. Lack of finance was a haunting reality in the life of Krish but NO he is not someone who can be thrown down by the weight of poverty. But it is often the lack of equality that Krish mentions that continues to be the devil for the students from oppressed classes entering, surviving and thriving in the caste-infected, regionalism-infected and class-driven Indian university. University as a marker and ground for intellectual life remains a fort of the elite
His sister’s marriage, and mainly the lack of resources, which is supposed to happen very soon, continued to be an issue for Krish. He took it upon himself as his bounden duty to gather money for the same but I am not sure if he was successful. This is possibly one of the many causes that strangulated him. I am sad that you have left behind a family that you were supposed to help see the brighter side of life. I am too tired of life, to write and think of a tomorrow Krish and I am going through my own meaningless moments and hours of tears like many among us, yet I am not giving up. Sorry Krish, you are not with us to take the battles forward.
His life and this event shows we need to create support systems badly : financial, emotional and intellectual resources to support the Bahujans in the University, this resolution and further action alone will be the greatest tribute to Krish. Krish, I don’t have the guts to see your body, I never had the guts to see my grandma and grandpa’s body.